The Experiment

 

Disclaimer: This is a parody on the Mel Brooks film, 'Young Frankenstein' and is intended for entertainment purposes only. These characters are the property of their respective owners. 

 

They had gone. Foolishly gone. The outsider was dangerous. The dwellings of a hermit were no place for children, and yet they had blindly stolen a speeder to uncover the mysteries of the loner.

No one ever claimed the underworld of Corellia was a safe haven. Indeed, most knew better than that. However, when an insatiable curiosity enters the midst, danger doesn’t apply…


“Luke,” Leia whispered, “I can’t see you very well. Are you there?”

Silence was her response.

“Luke!” she whispered a little louder.

From out of the darkness came a hand that quickly wrapped around Leia’s mouth. At the same instant an arm enveloped her waist.

Her eyes went wide in terror and she struggled fiercely to free herself. To her dismay, the more she struggled, the more the iron grip on her tightened. Suddenly her body went limp and Leia Skywalker was unconscious.


Up ahead, Luke had been scouting out the tunnel filled with vermin and waste when he felt his twin’s fear. Leia! Are you alright? he asked her through their bond. LEIA! Luke mentally shouted.

Turning on his heel, he nearly dropped his hand light as he sprinted down the tunnel and back to where had left his sister.


Leia’s perpetrator unmercifully dumped her limp body into the back of a speeder amongst the wreckage of unidentifiable parts. Deciding he was done ‘collecting’ for the night, he sped back to his laboratory.


Luke began to panic. He couldn’t find any trace of his sister and knew he’d be bantha fodder if his parents found out what had happened.

Luke scratched his head. “I don’t even know what happened.” His tone implied his frustration. “Dad will have my head! I have to find her – and soon!” Using the Force, he searched for the unique signature that was his twin.

“Leia!” he shouted as he touched her presence. “Thank the Force you’re alive.”


When Leia opened her eyes at last she was laying on a hard, flat surface – her wrists and ankles held securely in place by thick metal bands. She caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye, but couldn’t see anymore than that. She turned her head to the left and saw a long table covered with large round glass jars. She couldn’t see what was in them but they certainly didn’t give her the warm fuzzy’s. She turned to look the other way and saw yet another table. It too had a multitude of jars upon it, not to mention some instruments that she recognized as those that belonged in an infirmary. Panic began to course through her as she wondered if she were to be a sacrifice to some insane experiment. She turned her head again and looked up. Black smoke poured out of a large platform far above her.

“I’m doomed,” she cried.

Suddenly the platform she had just been watching began to slowly descend. As it drew closer to the floor she again caught sight of movement to her right.

“Who’s there?” the young teenager boldly asked.

She heard a shuffling sound, like someone dragging their boots along the floor, and then someone appeared over her.

“I am,” he replied with a thick accent Leia had never heard before.

“Who are you?” Leia questioned. A dark hood covered the person’s face so she couldn’t make out any facial features.

“Igor,” the man replied simply.

“Egor?”

“No, it’s pronounced, I, as in your eye, gor, as in, well, you know, something messy.”

“I see…” Leia slightly frowned. “Why do you wear a hood?”

“Oh,” Igor touched his head with a rather large hand, “my master tells me I must.”

“Why?” Leia persisted.

“Oh, cause he thinks I’ll scare people away. Don’t know why though – I work mainly at night.”

“O-kay… What’s that on your shoulder?”

“I dig up graves for my master. I see dead people – all the time. My shoulder?”

“Eeeewwww.” Leia scrunched up her face. “Yes, you have a hump or something on your shoulder. Look, there,” she pointed to his right shoulder.

“I do? A hump?” Igor turned and looked at the opposite shoulder Leia had indicated. “What hump? I don’t see a hump. Shall I create one for you? We have all kinds of spare parts. I’m sure my master wouldn’t mind.”

“Umm, no, thank you.” Leia quickly changed the subject. “Why do you dig up graves?”

Igor stopped to ponder this question a moment. “Hmm, don’t know really. I would imagine it would have something to do with his experiment.”

“What experiment?”

Igor pointed to the descending platform. “Those experiments. He keeps trying to create zombies for some reason. Quite illogical, really.”

“Excuse me?” Leia was growing confused.

“Yes, he’s quite delusional, I must say.” Igor nodded.

“Huh?”

“Oh, I must help the Slayer now. He likes to be called that. Pretend you’re still asleep. It’ll be easier that way.”

“What?” Leia asked completely baffled.

Igor held a knobby finger to what Leia could only imagine were his lips. “Sssshhh.”

“Do you really want my blood on your hands?” As much of an odd person as this Igor was, Leia didn’t think he would intentionally try to hurt her.

“Sssshhhh,” Igor repeated.

“IGOR!” A voice boomed.

“Yes, Master.”

Leia watched as Igor shuffled over to the person who towered over what she presumed was a dead body.

“No luck yet, Master?” Igor patted his master sympathetically on the back.

“NO! I will master the undead! Do you hear me? I will triumph!”

“There, there, Master Slayer.” Igor tried to be supportive.

“Don’t patronize me, you fool! I need living tissue to bring this beast back to life. Get me a sample from her!” Master Mundi bellowed as he pointed at Leia. “I’ll be back,” he muttered and stormed from the lab.

“This is just too surreal to be happening.” Leia began to chant to herself. “This is not real. I’m dreaming. I’ll wake up in my own bed – anytime now…” Leia squeezed her eyes shut. A few minutes later, she dared to open one eye and saw she was still in her nightmare. “Luke, this is your fault! I swear that brother of mine is going to be the death of me!” Leia snarled.


Leia, Luke mentally called to his twin as he walked the tunnels beneath the city.

LUKE! Leia nearly shrieked in reply to her brother’s mental call. Get me away from these lunatics!

A sigh of relief escaped Luke as he heard his sister. Where are you? he asked.

Oh Force! I don’t know. A lab of some kind. I can’t move. They have me immobilized.

Who? Luke asked.

Igor and Master Mundi.

Who? Master Mundi? Don’t worry, I’ll find you somehow. Hang on!

Luke, Mundi conducts experiments here. I wonder if –

You think he took the hermit we were looking for? What kind of experiments?

Mundi is trying to turn dead people into zombies. Force knows why. Must be some kind of power trip, probably to compensate for that cone of a head he sports. Leia snickered to herself. There’s a large opening in the ceiling where I’m at. I hope that helps.

Leia…Luke shook his head. Keep sending me a mental picture. I’m on my way.


Luke went back to the speeder he had stolen from Obi-Wan.


“Hey, wait a minute!” Luke interrupted the narrator and glared menacingly at her. “I borrowed Uncle Ben’s speeder! I didn’t steal it!”

“I beg to differ,” the narrator argued. “Did you ask his permission to use it? No. Now, let me continue so you can find Leia.”

Luke simply scowled back and gruffly said, “Fine.”


Jumping into the speeder, Luke held tight to the images Leia sent him and headed straight for the deepest pit of the underworld.


Igor approached Leia with a small laser in his hand.

“Umm, Igor, what are you doing?” she nervously asked.

“I have to get a tissue sample, like my master told me to do.”

“Can’t you find a rat or something? How about freeing me from this contraption instead?”

Igor thought for a moment. “I…suppose that would work. There’s plenty of rats around.”

Leia looked hopeful. “So you’ll free me?”

“Umm…no…sorry, no can do.”

“WHAT?” Leia shouted. “Igor, I could help you get away from Mr. Conehead. Free me and I’ll help you.”

“You call him Mr. Conehead too?” Igor was surprised. “What a coincidence.”

Leia rolled her eyes. “Will you help me? I’ll help you find a rat. It’ll be fun.”

Igor chuckled. “My Master works better when he’s upset. It unbalances him more.”

Leia felt that she should just leave Igor’s last comment alone. “Thennnn you’ll help me?”

“I always did want to live on the edge of disaster.”

“Don’t you mean the edge of danger?” Leia asked, growing more confused with the conversation.

“No,” Igor shrugged, “I mean disaster. Now hold still while I unlock these binds.”


Without warning, Luke, utilizing the Force, suddenly dropped through the open ceiling – brandishing his lightsaber as he landed.

“Free her! NOW!” Luke demanded.

Igor looked at Luke with exasperation. “I was just going to do that when you so rudely interrupted me,” he chastised.

“Nice hump,” Luke rebuked.

Igor looked at his left shoulder. “What hump?”

Don’t. Just don’t ask, Leia mentally told her twin.

Luke still held his lightsaber threateningly as Igor released Leia from her bonds.

“Now, about those rats,” Igor began.

“WHO ARE YOU?” Master Mundi shouted as he came into the lab.

“Why do you hold innocent people like a prisoner?” Luke angrily asked.

“None of your business,” Mundi snapped back.

“I’m making it my business, you pathetic parasite.”

“Hrumph. You’re a whelp with an attitude!”

“Oh yeah?” Luke smirked. “Well, I’m a whelp with an attitude and a lightsaber.”

“Touché,” Master Mundi said and looked around for a weapon.

“I suggest you surrender.”

Master Mundi laughed heartily at Luke’s ‘suggestion’. “I hardly think so, boy!” he spat.

Leia, help me Force push this idiot onto the table you were on.

Gladly!

Working together, the Skywalker twins reached into the Force and shoved the deranged Jedi Master onto his own experimentation table. Before Mundi could react, they secured the metal bonds then stepped back.


“About those rats,” Igor pressed.

“Give it a rest, Igor,” Leia said with a laugh.

Luke turned toward his sister. “Can we go home now?”

“What about him?” Leia indicated to the now ranting Jedi Master.

Luke snickered. “I think you have your rat, Igor. Enjoy.”



Finis