Padmé's Sorrow

 

EP III-IV timeframe. Padmé leaves Leia, unable to go on after Anakin has turned into a Sith.

The palace was a vast treasure trove of twists and turns, winding stairs, and all kinds of hiding places that only an imaginative child could hope to find.

 Leia was as imaginative as she was inquisitive and made amazing discoveries when she least expected it. But then, that would ruin the excitement if she had expected it.

 Emerging from her latest adventure, the little girl listened as the rain outside thrust its fury upon every creature or dwelling it could find. In her mind’s eye, she could visualize the people scattering from the vicious onslaught; protecting their heads with their arms from the hail that now accompanied the rain.

Curious, Leia dragged the decorative chair from the corner over to the large window and climbed upon it. She stared with wide-eyed wonder at the display set before her, touching the window with her tiny fingertips and a moment later, pressing her face toward the duraglass.

“Leia, please come away from the window,” a woman’s voice urged her from behind.

Leia stood mesmerized and didn’t acknowledge the familiar voice.

“Leia, please,” the woman pleaded, her voice sounding very tired.

Little Leia knew that voice and it made her sad to hear it. The pain in the woman’s words stung the young child and made her want to burst into tears. Her shoulders suddenly slumped and she slowly pulled herself away from the scene outside. But then, it vividly echoed her mother’s own turmoil.

Sliding off the chair, Leia walked over to her mother and hugged her around her legs – for that was as far as she could reach. “Are you sad again, Momma?”

Padmé could barely stifle the tears in her eyes and the lump forming in her throat. “I’m fine, Princess.”

Leia defiantly shook her head back and forth. “No, Momma,” she quipped, her lower lip jutting out.

Padmé sighed and stooped down, cradling her daughter in her arms. “I can’t fool you, can I, my darling?”

Leia snuggled into her mother and shook her head.

With a slight shake of her head, Padmé held her daughter and sat down on the cold marble floor, her legs off to one side. “You’re right, Princess, I’m thinking of someone and it saddens me each time that I do.”

“The Jedi?” Leia asked, her innocence evident for one of her young age.

Padmé glanced down at her three year old, her eyes glistening with pain and her daughter’s shining with hope. She nearly lost all of her composure. “Yes, the Jedi,” she murmured.

“I want to stop the hurt,” Leia stubbornly stated.

Padmé lovingly stroked the long, sienna locks and smiled the best she could. “I know…” Her voice trailed off as she lost her ability to speak. Images surfaced in her mind, images that pained her deeply to see again. She could see her beloved husband fading from view, try as she might to reach out to him, and then he was gone. She stiffened against the flood of tears that wanted to course down her beautiful cheeks, determined to snuff them out.

Her thoughts drifted… Anakin… My love how I miss you. I ache for your tender caresses, your soft lips, the comfort you always brought me… You willingly faced danger for my sake and your children. I remember you telling me what Master Yoda always said, about the future always being in motion. How could we have known our future would end up so? You were always so proud of my independent nature and steadfast resolve, yet here I am unable to find a way out of my disconsolate state. I know Luke is safe, as safe as he can possibly be. I have no doubt Owen and Beru will love him and take good care of him. But I feel so empty inside, Ani… Each day is more of a burden than the next and I feel as though I’m losing the battle. I often wonder if I’m truly trying, for without you I feel hopeless. I keep waiting for you to walk through the door and tell me this was all a nightmare, but you never do. Your beautiful blue eyes have been hidden from the universe and I cannot get past the pain I feel each day. As I sit here, hugging our beautiful daughter, I know my heartbreak will only hinder her and I must walk my path alone. She, like Luke, deserves more than I can provide. Bail has assured me he will take care of her and raise her as his own. I regret that he is considered her father and you are not, even though it is for her own protection. You should see how he adores her. This has not been an easy decision, but my very soul has been maliciously torn from me and I continue to wither like a delicate flower. My strength is gone and all that awaits me is…solitude. Beyond that…I cannot speculate.

“Go find Daddy, darling. I’ll be along shortly,” Padmé said as she hugged her daughter one last time.

“Okay.” Leia began to get up and then hesitated. Turning, she wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck and whispered, “I love you,” and then ran down the hallway.

“I love you too, Princess,” Padmé whispered to herself. “More than you could ever imagine. I know your father loves you too… I can only hope that one day he will emerge from the darkness and the Skywalker family will reunite.”

 

Finis