Alliance

Part V

 

 

Chapter VI – Confession

The Jedi Knights, combined with the Rebel Alliance, continued to fight against the tyranny of the Empire but it was an arduous task and many lives – from both sides – had been lost. Anakin, Obi-Wan and Master Yoda all did their part in teaching the twins about the Force. The Skywalker children, so in tune with it, allowed the Force to flow through them seemingly without effort. Even Master Yoda found himself enthralled of the gifted children. Luke exhibited his father’s traits, a fighter with determination and the capacity to wield a lightsaber as if it were an extension of his own hand. He had yet to best his father, although he quickly learned to duel with two lightsabers simultaneously.

“Good, good!” Master Yoda exclaimed as he watched Obi-Wan practice with Luke, who had begun maturing into a young teenager. His sweaty blond locks curling around the nape of his neck and his piercing blue eyes fixated on his opponent. “You have learned much control, young Luke. Now meditate, you must.”

Luke cast his gaze down to the ground and let his practice sword dip downward. “Do I have to, Master Yoda? I’m not tired, Uncle, I mean, Master Obi-Wan can keep practicing for a while yet.”

Yoda shook his head, “Patience Luke. Help you, meditation will.”

Luke knew he wasn’t going to win this argument, he never did, but meditation simply bored him.

“That is because mastered it you have not.” Yoda seemed to pluck the young man’s thoughts from the air.

Stunned, Luke relented and followed the aging Master to a place of seclusion.

Obi-Wan walked over to where Anakin was standing; a strange look graced his face. “What’s wrong?” the Jedi Master asked.

The Jedi Knight uncrossed his arms; a scowl still marred his face. “I was just thinking how I’m tired of having to hide my family on this dismal planet. How the Empire has taken all of our lives, the lives of my wife, my children and thrown them into disarray.”

Obi-Wan nodded in agreement and sighed. “I understand,” he laid his hand on Anakin’s shoulder, “but I believe the only way it will cease is for Palpatine’s reign to come to an end. The planets he controls live in fear of him and his constant bounty hunters handle most of his vile deeds.”

Anakin looked directly at his old master, his blue eyes danced like the flames of a fire. A look Obi-Wan hadn’t seen in years – a look he never wanted to see again. Anakin didn’t even bother to shield his thoughts or his anger. “What do you propose?” Obi-Wan kept his tone mild.

“I want to kill him.” Anakin declared, leaving no room for argument.

Obi-Wan stretched out with the Force and felt the Jedi’s frustration and anger but sensed neither intension nor desire to venture near the dark side.

“No, I won’t do that. I promised Padmé long ago that I would never turn toward the dark side. I also recognize that my words are not in line with a Jedi.”

The Master grinned, not surprised that Anakin knew what concerned him. “Correct you are.”

Anakin leaned his head back then rolled it from side to side, “It is the only solution. He is the Lord of the Sith. What kind of punishment could be placed on him that would matter? Rehabilitation is out of the question and his Force powers could always be used on others. No,” Anakin took a deep breath, “his death will bring peace back to the galaxy. An end to the chaos.”

Obi-Wan reached up with one hand and rubbed his furry chin. “Think before you answer my next question, think clearly. If you were to face the Emperor could you control it? Your aggression toward this man?”

Anakin bowed his head a moment then looked up – squarely into his friend’s eyes. “Yes, Master, I could. I’ve learned control and patience these many years and have no desire for the dark side… Not anymore.”

Obi-Wan looked astonished, “Yet once you did?”

After a quick intake of breath, Anakin turned away from his friend and mentor; his broad shoulders sagged in regret of his past ambitions. The somber tone in his voice reiterated his feelings. “Yes…before my path crossed with Padmé again… I was tempted – for various reasons.”

“Why?” Obi-Wan asked, stunned. He clearly knew Anakin’s capabilities as well as the young man’s anger but temptation to the dark side? The Jedi Master never considered the possibility could actually happen.

Several moments passed in silence and Obi-Wan could feel the inner struggle of his friend. The conflict…the pain…

Anakin’s shoulders heaved from the deep breath he took in. He paused a moment more then spoke softly, barely audible, causing Obi-Wan to strain himself to hear. “You never seemed to accept anything I did, and the Council” he let out a brief laugh, “it was no secret that they never trusted me…They thought I was dangerous and all of you thought I was out of control…I can almost hear the Council saying, ‘Here Obi-Wan, here’s your ticking time bomb – deal with it’.” Anakin scoffed and looked up into the sky, watching the birds and trees mingle with one another then continued. “I never did anything good enough to appease you or the Council… It began to grow tiresome. Of course, Palpatine contributed more than his fair share of filling my head with all kinds of praises, telling me that the Council just didn’t understand me. That I was just their pawn as the ‘Chosen One’.” Quickly, Anakin turned back to his Master. “All that changed when my life intertwined with Padmé during the assassination attempt. We fell in love and she accepted me completely, including my flaws. She nurtured me and was an immense comfort when my mother died. If she hadn’t been there…”

“Anakin, you did some wonderful things while you were my apprentice. Yes, you had brooding moments…” Obi-Wan’s trail of thought veered slightly from its path. “Many times I wished Qui-Gon would have been there to help me…”

Anakin nodded, “I miss him too.”

The Jedi Master cleared the nostalgia from his thoughts and concentrated on the matter at hand. “You never did tell me about that day. I remember what you said in the Council chamber but I feel there is more to it. You were clearly more subdued when you and Padmé entered the arena on Geonosis.”

Anakin sighed. It was the past after all, years ago. It hardly mattered now if he finally told his mentor what really transpired on that abominable day. Anakin’s mind drifted briefly as he recalled the meeting with the Council upon his return to Coruscant. Never before had he masked his feelings so diligently – and hid his transgressions.

Anakin Skywalker stood unswervingly before the Jedi Council, waiting to be addressed.

“Anakin, please explain your actions. Why were you on Tatooine and why did you bring Senator Amidala?” Master Windu inquired.

“Visions mistaken as dreams of my mother.” Anakin began, looking over at his Master who sat comfortably in one of the Council Chambers plush chairs. “I had been experiencing such visions for quite some time and they grew more disturbing as time went on…While on Naboo, I had more, each more intense than the other…” Anakin drew in a large breath. “I-I couldn’t stand by any longer. I had to go to her – she was in such pain, indefinable pain. I tried, unsuccessfully, to convince Senator Amidala to stay on Naboo. Her refusal left me no option …I had to bring her with me.” Anakin paused again, drawing in more breaths of air as he felt as if his life-force were being drained from his body. “I found my mother…She…she…they tortured her…I felt her sorrow and pain so directly.”

“Continue.” Master Yoda prodded.

“She died in my arms…” Anakin fought against the tears threatening him and regained control of his building emotions. “I refused to leave without her body. I wrapped her as carefully as possible then I was overcome with anger. Unimaginable, raw anger. I wanted to decimate her defilers and my anger erupted. I butchered the Tusken Raiders that guarded her tent then fled with her body.”

Yoda contemplated the story, not entirely convinced. He had felt firsthand Anakin’s acrimony and hatred but could not break through the protective layer that surrounded the young Jedi. He felt pieces were missing yet Anakin’s demeanor suggested nothing.

“Rest young Padawan, home you will bring the Senator, to Naboo.” Yoda knew all would be revealed – in time.

“Yes.” Master Windu nodded his agreement. “Escort the Senator home and rest for a few days.”


He drew in a deep breath and his eyes glistened. “You already know about the dreams I was having and how I found my mother. What you don’t know is what truly happened after that.”

Obi-Wan walked over to a nearby boulder and sat down. “I’m listening.”

Anakin took a deep breath; he didn’t relish the thought of reliving this excruciating nightmare again. It reminded him of his failures and his brashness. A painful reminder of his mother in a way he didn’t want to remember her by. He could visualize her battered body cradled in his arms as she attempted to speak to her only child – the last precious moments of her life draining from her eyes and her body. Anakin’s heart began to beat faster at the memory and his voice became huskier. “I-I allowed my pain…to transform…anger, hate, aggression…took control. My former self vanished and was replaced by a…monster.” Another breath and his shoulders heaved as a result. Anakin’s eyes shifted back to another time and place. “I-” He shook his head and lowered it toward his chest, ashamed of his actions as the scene from so long ago replayed itself so vividly in his mind, “I once told the Jedi Council that I killed the guards and fled with my mother’s body…that’s not completely true. What I did was far more unforgivable that that.” Absently, he ran a hand through his hair and his shoulders dipped lower. “I-I…slaughtered the Tusken village. I gave mercy to none…Men…women…children.” The Jedi sighed heavily, as if relieved – yet sorrowful – that at long last his mentor would learn the truth. “Every one of them bore my hatred and I wanted vengeance for what they had done to my mother.” Anakin’s eyes welled up with tears and his hands shook from the memory. “They tortured her…she-she” he choked on his own words, grief griping his soul, “was a rag doll, clinging to life by a thread…I-I knew it was wrong” He ran his hands over his face then his muscular frame collapsed down into a crouched position. He clasped his hands together and rested his forehead upon them as he rocked back and forth. Obi-Wan could hear his friend breathing deeply, attempting to settle his strained nerves. Anakin continued, “but at the time, it didn’t matter… Nothing mattered…except revenge.”

“The…entire village?” Obi-Wan’s face reflected his shock.

“Yes.” He sniffled. “I reached into the Force and did incredible feats with the power granted to me. It felt…” Anakin looked directly at his mentor, his tears making his azure eyes glisten, “exhilarating.”

The Jedi Master’s jaw hung open, unable to utter a sound.

The profound distress on his former Master’s face made Anakin wince in agony. However, he considered it even more crucifying to sense such abyssal sadness emanating from Obi-Wan.

There’s no stopping now. he thought despondently then continued. “I returned to the Lars farm with my mother’s body, encased in a cocoon shell made of fabric and soon after” Anakin breathed in deeply, “I broke down. Not only were my actions morally wrong they were…horrendous…I-I hadn’t controlled my anger, as a Jedi should.” His shoulders sagging even further, Anakin sniffled and briskly wiped his face with his hands.

“Padmé Amidala…a shining light that effortlessly walked into my darkness.” Anakin’s face beamed at the mention of his wife. “She brought me back for I could deny her nothing. My angel of light…” Anakin began to reminisce when Obi-Wan cleared his throat, jolting the young Jedi back to the present.

“My apologies Master…” Anakin’s face flushed crimson. “Padmé was my savior when I so desperately needed compassion, love and acceptance. She calmed my grief-stricken soul and frayed senses with her tender caresses and talked to me not in a condescending or demoralizing way – simply as a person. I virtually curled up in her lap, crumbling into a thousand pieces. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn, only that this angel, this amazing woman, willingly nurtured me as only my mother had done.”

“Master,” Anakin didn’t even bother to wipe away the tears streaming down his cheeks, “I-I’m so sorry. I’ve lived with that execrable mistake all these years and vowed that I would never, ever fall into that trap again – and I haven’t. Padmé has shown me the light and how wonderful it feels. How it can embrace you and keep you warm...and nourish the soul. I wish I could turn back the years and reverse that fatal mistake…but I can’t. My dreams sometimes play the scene over and over again, as if to serve as a potent reminder.”

Obi-Wan sat silent for several minutes. Anakin’s confession – his true confession – left the Jedi irresolute. He had witnessed carnage during the Clone Wars – the Separatist’s solution, and now the Empire’s as well, to disobedience. Although such scenes disturbed him greatly, through the Force and his own will, he found the necessary strength to remain detached, impersonal. It stood as the only option against such willful destruction but never had he been faced with such tragedy on a personal level. “I-I never knew.” Obi-Wan stood up, his body trembling. Closing his eyes, he reached out to the Force and embraced the serenity of the energy. It began to calm his palpitating heart along with his mind as he walked over to his former Padawan. A scowl suddenly graced Obi-Wan Kenobi’s face. “You should have told me long ago. I could have helped you.” Just as quickly, his face softened, he knew anger solved nothing and he truly didn’t feel angry, only mournful. Could I have prevented this? I thought I could instruct him as Qui-Gon had instructed me…I realize now that I never truly knew him then…I should have found a way… he thought somberly. Anakin’s heart, mind and body projected his penitence. “The suffering you have endured…all these years.” The Jedi Master crouched down and placed his hands on Anakin’s shoulders. “The way you still torture yourself tells me that you have atoned for this crime. It was horrendous, to be sure, but…” Obi-Wan didn’t know what else to say.

Anakin continued to weep. “Will I ever be forgiven?” He managed, nearly choking on his words.

“You must forgive yourself first.” Obi-Wan said softly.

“I don’t know if I ever will.”

“A Jedi knows forgiveness and accepts it. This was a painful way to drive that lesson home, Anakin, and I think you’ve learned a great deal from it.”

“Do you forgive me?” Anakin asked hesitantly.

“Your regret shows me just how truly repentant you are, even after all these years, it affects you this acutely. Yes, I forgive you.”

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Padmé looked up from her datapads as a shudder ran through her body. Ani, she quickly surmised. But what’s wrong? She felt his shame, his anguish – so profound – and it chilled her to her core. Flinging the datapads aside, she ran past her daughter and out into the dank air that hung like a sheet over Dagobah.

“Mom?” Leia asked, mystified, as her mother darted past her.

“Anakin!” Padmé shouted, glancing around wildly. “ANAKIN!” She yelled again then started running. She didn’t know where to run and decided to let her instincts be her guide.

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At last she saw them, her husband lay in a heap on the ground with a supportive Jedi Master hovering over him, his arm around the younger Knight’s broad shoulders.

“Anakin!” Padmé raced toward them, collapsing onto the ground near her husband as her arm instantaneously covered him protectively. “Wh-what happened?” she glanced up at Obi-Wan.

“He-he finally told me about the day his mother died. The Tuskens.” He stated as he stood up.

Padmé’s mouth hung agape and she visibly trembled, shocked by the news. Recalling that day in her mind – Anakin’s glaring face, his empty eyes, the immense pain – she remembered every detail and shuddered. Over the years that excruciating memory had flitted into their lives on rare occasions. It appeared that true peace would never resolve itself to the Jedi as Padmé witnessed her beloved crumble.

“Obi?” Padmé whispered, hesitation clear in her voice. “What now? The Council-?”

Obi-Wan Kenobi nodded, interrupting her thoughts, “Is not the same Council that was in place when this transpired, except for Master Yoda. To bring this up again now, would benefit no one. Given Anakin’s state, they could punish him no more than he has already done to himself.”

Padmé breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped her arms tightly around her husband and quietly whispered into his ear, “I’m here my love.”

“He’ll be alright.” Obi-Wan took a deep breath, still overcome by the emotional intensity. “The Force has embraced him and forgiven him – now he must forgive himself.” Despite his efforts, he found himself wiping tears from his eyes and face.

Padmé shook her head and stroked her husband’s hair, “He’s tried…I’ve tried…He just can’t seem to allow it…”

Obi-Wan looked down and stared intently at his friends, both of whom he carried a deep affection for. “I-I never knew how close he was to the dark side. Until he told me today…the thought of losing him to that…” The Jedi Master trembled. “His pain…it’s so – piercing, intense. I can sense every part of it and I almost wish I couldn’t.”

Padmé gently took hold of Anakin’s shoulders and brought him up to her. The love she emitted for her Jedi husband shone through clearly. She looked into the azure eyes she adored that were red from crying and spoke softly to him, “Now beloved, let go. Let the Force wrap you in its tender graces and absolve yourself. You have repented long enough.”

Summarily, Anakin’s arms captured his wife in a tight embrace, afraid that if he didn’t, he would plummet.

“Never doubt your strength, my Jedi, you have my love, your children’s love, Obi-Wan’s love and of course, your mother’s. We will never let you fall. We are all one.”

Anakin’s gaze slowly turned toward his wife. His eyes journeyed past her luminous brown ones and found what had always been there for him – comfort for his strife, his anguish…then he tapped into the Force. Their souls united in the ethereal plane and danced in its embrace. Anakin finally relented his ongoing punishment and freed himself as Padmé smiled and caressed his cheek. Neither of them was aware of the incandescent field surrounding them, cradling their bodies and soothing their souls. For long moments they remained clutched together until slowly, they parted. The tranquility that encompassed the couple was unmistakable as they rose from the ground together.

Anakin smiled brightly, “I love you, Padmé, my Queen. More than you will ever know.” Cupping her chin in his hand, he bent down and brushed his lips across hers.

“As I love you, my dearest Jedi.” Padmé laid her head contentedly on his chest, relishing in his rhythmic breathing.

“What’s goin’ on?” Leia chirped as she emerged from the trees.

“Nothing Princess, just boring adult stuff.” Anakin replied.

“Daddy! You’ve been crying! Did Uncle Ben hurt you in a duel or something?” Leia rushed forward and hugged her parents.

As if on cue, Obi-Wan gave his adopted family a quick embrace and scooped Leia up over his shoulder, carting the young teen away.

“C’mon, Princess, let’s go for a walk. Your parents need some time alone.”

“Is Daddy okay, Uncle Ben?” Leia sounded worried, in spite of bobbing up and down on the Jedi Master’s strong shoulder. “And how do you expect me to walk if you’re carrying me?” She smirked.

“You have a point. You are getting rather old for me to be carting you around like a sack of potatoes.” Obi-Wan conceded, setting Leia down.

Leia’s mouth flew open, ready to offer a retort but the image of her parent’s heartache entered her mind and she snapped her jaw shut.

Sensing her worry, Obi-Wan Kenobi glanced over his shoulder and said, “Yes, he’ll be just fine.”


Anakin and Padmé Skywalker gazed into each other’s eyes and saw the boundless love they held for one another. A love every being endeavors to achieve in their lifetime though few attain. Reverently, a gentle breeze began to encircle the couple as their eyes reflected where mere words failed. They embraced and let the shower of tears flow unchecked, erasing old doubts and fears, replacing them with the sunshine of bliss. The Force is a strong ally indeed.


Anakin kissed his wife passionately, a kiss Padmé was eager to return, as the wind churned around them, quieting all they had suffered.

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